Another Day, Another Collection of Thoughts.

Day 10 on the sex drought. The last guy i rejected has cursed me. The failed date I drove to pick up and then just didnt like. I had such high hopes. And such blue balls. And I havent had a release since. Well Ive cum alot. Just only by my own hand. And that isnt what i need. I need some weird, kinky, extreme, exciting sex. I now have over 200-250 emails. And a offer from the cutest boy on my Tinder. But its STILL not happening. So I guess it is me now. Am I being picky? Ive emailed with a few of them, but nothing has progressed. When it works, it just works, with all the people i meet. Craigslist isnt helping me either. It cock blocked my last two posts about the specific kinks i want to explore right now. More specifically, soomeone now keeps flagging my posts and they keep getting removed, because apparently i cant be real, must be a scam or are violating their conditions by being really horny and wanting to get laid in a interesting and specific way. The upshot is, I still havent gotten laid. There is alot of comments I could make and conclusions i can draw from the kind of emails i have recieved over the past 48 hours, but i havent learnt anything I didnt already know. I am going to start compiling my thougths on things outside of my own life, like this, into essays. Just so i do it. Keep them for myself. i have started a list of topics i already have ideas for.

Ok I have just solved my own sexual frustration problem. Im going to a sex club in San Fran tonight. Alone. Fuck it. I need to be around this stuff.

And i already have changed my mind. Thank you again google and yelp for reviews! There is such a massive gap for a space where people can openly share their sexual desires and connect and act them out. Like one of those kids play warehouses things, but for adults, and not gross. Maybe I will just go. Its only $10. If i go at like midnight there should be people there. I’ll see how I feel. And I can check it out. But then I am in San Fran. But then I am in San Fran! Find a parking spot for the holiday weekend? Good sex? More people not less though.

I had a bath in the bus last night. I boiled some water and just used the sink. I exfoliated my whole body and used soap! it was a revelation. 5 months in and i have never had a hot sponge bath in the bus! Some ideas come to me too easily, some, im a little slow!

I had a hilarious walk yesterday. I was deep in thought about my sexual freedom and all the positives of being a strong, sexual woman, how excited i was to be incorporating that into my life again, when a lean, grey haired man in his 50s, came towards me on a road bike, in full gear, at speed. As he drove past he broke my reverie by calling out “ohh look at that. what a hottie. phew” with a sharp intake of breath. After the shock, the realization of the juxtaposition of the thoughts i was having and the experience my body was having in the world at the same time hit me…and i nearly died laughing. It came out of nowhere. He seemed so professional and was definitely of comfortable means. And he sounded so old fashioned. Then a few minutes later a man in his 60s called after me that i had very “psychedelic” pants on. Drawing my attention to the fact that he was watching me and my legs from behind while i walked away. These kind of daily interactions rub up against my belief of being able to be a liberated, sexual woman. It stops me dressing how i want, saying what i want and even walking with the gait i would like. But it will not stop me wanting to be able to use my body how i choose without judgment or unwanted attention.


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