Deep thought as deep work. Deep thought as legitimate work. Deep thought and it’s productivity in relation to my writing. In order to be a great writer you must have great ideas. And to get great ideas you usually need to spend time thinking about ideas and their possibilities and pursuing different ideas. Many great artists have and still do sequester themselves away from Soceity and often civilization in order to create. Most people do not have the luxury of prolonged periods of deep thought. However due to the unusual lifestyle I’ve lead over the past 7 years I’ve found myself with more and more time for deep thought. I am now at a point where my life is almost solely devoted to deep thought. I also have been pursuing the opposite. The ability to stop all thought and just exist in the moment. To sense. To be. And to be… Read More "Deep Thought = Legitimate Work"
17th December
im so in to the being true to yourself thing at the moment because i havent know what myself was for the past 4 years. four years ago i was in a really good place. i knew who i was, what i liked, how i wanted to live, how i wanted my future to look. i had a goal, i had a calling, i had passion and motivation and i was quite content. i have struggled all my life with emotional ups and downs from PMDD, BPD and suspected Bi-Polar, but i was in a good place 4 years ago. then one day it all changed. i met one person who would destroy my life and myself. the first 6 months was manageable. six months later i didnt know who i was, what i wanted or what mattered to me. that relationship and its breakdown massively exacerbated my pre existing mental health… Read More "17th December"
4/5th December
There really isnt anything like the feeling i am getting now i am starting to understand and love myself. i know who i am. I see who i have been. i know what i like. i know where i am right now. i am greater than the sum of my parts. there are no parts. its all me. all the things ive been, the lives ive lead and experiences ive had arent all past, obsolete, different people. they are all in me. i am everything i have learnt and done. i am more experienced now than i have ever been as i am just older than i have ever been. but now i can draw it all together and know my self better than ever and welcome back into the present, all the girls i said goodbye to, or never felt connected with in the past, have all come back… Read More "4/5th December"
…did a glory hole.
since deciding dating apps were no use for me I have seen a different man each night. all of them interesting, intelligent and attractive and one of them, insanely kinky. San Francisco is definitely interesting and there seems to be lots of opportunity for exploration and fun. i might end up getting stuck here! but i need a night off tonight for sure. my jaw and throat hurt from all the dick and my pussy is swollen and sore. my mind is alive though and right now i couldnt be happier. i am parked up right on the water, overlooking the bay, alcatraz and the golden gate bridge. drinking tea with some biscuits a very sexy, successful man gave me last night after a very mentally stimulating evening. i am living my dream exactly as i planned right now. the sex fest started friday. i went for a walk in… Read More "…did a glory hole."
DM DM: Post Sex Reminiscing
I’m getting really over talking to men I have had sex with and have no plan of ever seeing again. They don’t seem to go away. Some are fantastic. We fuck, we bond, I leave, and I never hear from him again. I am so rarely in the same place twice and if I am I want new experiences. Most people don’t warrant a follow up visit and are no way high enough in my priorities to go out my way to see them. So why do I have to keep speaking to them? I entertain the memories they have of us fucking and feed their egos by engaging with them. But I don’t reminisce to my past partners. I don’t have anyone I want to message and tell them it was the best Sex of my life and talk about it. I don’t care what number 73, 321 or… Read More "DM DM: Post Sex Reminiscing"
Dec 15th 2017
I saw the same homeless man twice today and I said if j saw him a third k would talk to him. I saw him on my walk home. With way too much cholcoafs milk shake left dr dinner. I offered him my shake and we had a nice chat for about 10 minutes. I face him Read More "Dec 15th 2017"
12th December
i havent finished any of my writing in the past few weeks so i havent posted anything. i was sick for a couple of weeks after san fran and it threw me off. and im also driving across the country for the first time so a lot of my brain is being taken up just taking in all the sights and new information and driving. i just parked at rutherford beach in Louisiana. its beautiful. white sand, lapping waves, oil rigs on the horizon and no one around. i came down here to try to earn some money on webcam and do some writing and just be settled somewhere for a couple of days. ive driven 2500 over the last 4 weeks and havent stayed in the same place for more than 2 nights. i just want to stop!!! Bus life is about being able to travel but i havent stopped… Read More "12th December"
December 3rd, Sunday
i’m topless on the roof of my bus on the desert in arizona. i finally left california today on my way to miami. i spent a week in san fran in the end. i had 4 days of fun and 3 days of being exhausted and sick. i spent 2 nights parked at fishermans wharf which was noisy, a couple of nights parked around the tenderloin, which was noisy, and then a couple down on the ocean front. i had sex with 6 people. i went on a nice hike along the bay to the golden gate bridge. and i started cooking my own food again. sf is definately where i can go back to if i ever need to find people with like minded sexualities. ive never encountered so many straight men who want to suck cock openly. half the people on tinder have “poly” or “pan” somewhere in… Read More "December 3rd, Sunday"
Nihilism
I hope the world and every fucking person on it burns and dies. Life is a fucked up trap and if you dont play along you dont survive. i guess that means i wont be surviving much longer. fuck you fuck everyone fuck life. life is a fucking illusion. you are born to make money for other people. live other peoples ideas of what is right and wrong. there is never ever true freedom. we live in a fucking game. this isnt living. this is fucking gross. Read More "Nihilism"